I believe that Flight of the Concords said it best with the following line from one of their songs, "What man, whose the man, when's a man a man, why's it so hard to be a man? Am I a man? Yes, technically, yes..." Although funny, this question is one that has weighed heavily on the minds of men for a long time and will probably continue to do so for a while.
The truth is that everyone, men and women, want to live up to the gender roles that they are supposed to play. The problem is that we are sometimes unsure of what those roles are. Traditionally, men are taught to be warriors, hunters, brave, strong, courageous, and competitive. Men are the ones who provide for their families. They fix things. When they are still young boys, they play with G.I. Joes and participate in sports. On the other hand, women are taught to be nurturing, kind, gentle, soft-spoken, domestic mothers. As young girls they play with Barbies and dolls. They play house and dress up.
However, a problem arises when men and women realize that they are not the alpha male or female that society has told them to be, but instead they prefer to play some of the parts of the other's role. What?! A man that enjoys theater more than sports or a woman who prefers a ball game over "Dancing with the Stars?" I think that people often times worry that they are not living up to the gender role that they feel they are supposed to be playing.
As members of the church, we know that being a man or woman is an eternal characteristic with divine responsibilities. My question for all of you is how do we reconcile our individuality with both what the world and the Lord tell us about our gender roles?
35 comments:
I think there are kind of 'basic guidelines' that can be followed, especially when it comes to the Gospel, and then you can be free to define yourself.
I reread the Proclamation to the Family and I have realized that EVERYTHING important the the Lord has been given to women. "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nuture of their children" it says. What is more important than that? I think as women we need to forget the focus Satan is putting on us to get out of the home and being a working mother, if we don't have to. Don't get what's important confused with what the world wants.
When I was little, I hated dolls and playing house. I hated all the frills that all the other little girls liked. I've changed a little since then but I think we're just born with certain personalities and that's great. You should be who you are. I think it's all a social construction what girls are supposed to like and what boys are supposed to like. It's silly. We should just be who we were born to be and like what we like whether it's "a boy thing to do" or "a girl thing to do."
I agree that your gender is an eternal thing, and that as such, like Jeff said, there are "basic guidelines" that are to be followed. BUT, I also believe that everyone is born with a personality. As such, who cares if you're a girl and like to play football, or a boy and like to sing?
I agree that gender is an eternal characteristic. However, I think we very often get social guidelines confused with eternal traits. As a very little girl I loved playing house and wearing dresses and being pretty and having my stuffed animal friends. When I was slightly older I loved baseball and football and all of the boyish sports. I hated being girly. I think those two phases were a very huge part of my personality and individuality. I think the problem with social gender codes is that with every stereo-type there are also restrictions. In the church we say that women are the primary nurturers of the children. This is good and true. However, if we take that phrase and impose social constructions around it(rather than eternal truths) we restrict individuality and limit the potential for a woman to fulfill her role as human-being, wife, mother, daughter, sister, individual, child of God, etc. A woman staying home with her children as a true principle is different than a woman staying home with her children because society says it should be so. The first woman is free to improve her mind, get an education, to be competive, have hobbies, to work if she chooses are has to, etc. While the second woman tries to act and be everything that society says she should be rather than educate and improve herself.
I think that it is important to remember the difference between eternal truths and societal truths. The eternal truth, is that men and women have different but equal roles in the gospel. Equal. Society would have us believe that men and woman can never be equal. But by equal, they mean the same. The gospel teaches us that we are different. But it is through this equality and differences that we gain eternal life.
I believe that together, men and women provide equal leadership. As the Proclamation states, men and women are equal partners. Yes, our roles are different, but the Lord never said that women can't prefer ball games over femininity (cooking, sewing and crafts). The Lord has a different plan for each of us and for many mothers that includes working outside the home. I think society distinguishes stay-at-home-mothers as less noble careers than that of fathers who work outside the home. However, we learn from the proclamation that mothers and fathers are equal partners. Women can be uninterested in femininity and still be great mothers.
I think the pressures of gender codes are real. As a little girl i loved playing with my American Girl doll until I went to one of my little brother's tee-ball games. I asked my mom if I could play and then joined as the only girl on the team. I didn't think twice of it at the time. However, as I grew up i participated in cheerleading and played softball. Those are sports on the opposite end of the spectrum. I did feel pressures from outside sources to stop playing softball and put all of my focus in cheer. Because girls are supposed to dance and cheer in little skirts while boys play sports right? Wrong. I think these social constructions can hurt those that dont always agree with them. I would hope that the majority of girls and boys do what they want to because of personal choice, not pressure.
I think that the most important things about the eternal nature of our gender are outlined in the Gospel. However, I think it is okay for people to define themselves with interests that might not necessarily fit into society's constructed gender codes. They can do so safely if they remember the Lord's expectations for them. God's sons and daughters have distinct, eternal roles.
Super interesting question. I believe that as long as we are living the standards the Lord has set for us and meet his expectations, that it really doesn't matter what the world believes is considered to be feminine or masculine. It's too difficult at times to meet all the social norms of the world because they keep on changing, however, the Lord's way will never change.
I think women can do both. The Lord isn't against women educating or improving themselves. Yes, he wants us to be mothers. But not all women will have that opportunity, so he wants us to cultivate ourselves to be the best that we can be as a daughter of God.
There's obviously extremes as far as people are concerned in this perspective, but in general the line is blurry and frequently changes between the the roles of men and women. Really though....I played with "dolls" as a boy, they were just green, knew karate, and had awesome shells.
I'm with Brooke, there are a set of basic guidelines, but we are all individuals. No one person the same, so there are a lot of men and women who don't fit the world's view of gender roles and the Lords, but that's what makes the world so great. People are People.
Follow the commandments and then do whatever you enjoy in life that brings you and those that are important to you happiness.
I agree with Taylor.. Every person is an individual; different by nature. Not fitting in the world view of gender is what makes us all unique.
I think this comes back to our big T little t discussion in class. Yes, gender is eternal. But, not all culturally constructed gender roles fall in the big T category. In fact, many do not. I think back to Prof. Cutri's questions about the characteristics we commonly credit to Jesus Christ: nurturing, loving, empathetic, patient, gentle, forgiving. Sound like the alpha male? Not is our society. Simply put, there may be many more little t's out there than we realize.
By understanding our eternal characteristics we can learn of several roles that we should play. Also the Proclamation to the Family is also an excellent place to find out about our gender roles. The gender roles of the world are always changing and nothing is concrete so I wouldnt follow the worlds idea of gender roles. If we follow what the Lord tells us I think we will be fine with the Lord and in the world.
I think it is important to live by the gender roles outlined in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. As far as personal interests go, while it may be more socially acceptable for girls to play with Barbies and boys to play with G.I. Joes, I think people should participate in the activities that interest them.
A lot of guys dress like morons (skin tight purple pants, half way down your butt, flip-flops in the middle of winter) because they're trying so hard to be different than everyone else. They get way too concerned with their appearance. Modesty is the best policy. Take care of yourself, avoid extremes and look presentable. That's what the prophets have told us for decades. So what does it matter what the world says? We have our own culture in the church that says we are disciples of Christ, not punk emos, not gothics, or gangsters.
I think its good that the gospel outlines the certain roles that a man and women should follow. I agree that the world's gender roles are always changing, so it is better to just follow the Lord's plan that he has for us.
Do we need to reconcile? Sometimes I catch myself caring what the world thinks of me. Then I remember that I really could care less. I'm not worried what the world thinks, but what the Lord thinks and those I care and love think about me. I want to make a good impression, but recognize that everyone is different and has a different view.
We are constantly told by the Church that our roles as men and women are divine and perfect in their own way. We need to recognize our gender's purpose and appreciate it. I agree with many of the above comments, that we have to follow church guidelines, but we can still define ourselves. I mean a girl can like sports if she wants. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I think the definition of a securely individual person is someone who is ok with NOT fitting into typical gender roles. Obviously there are divine differences we shouldn't confuse, but there is more gray area than most people allow. One of my best guy friends always tells me how much nicer girls are than guys and how much more he likes hanging out with girls. He says he'll KILL me if I repeat this to his guy friends since they already give him grief about it. He's 100% boy, loves extreme sports, plays the drums, whatever. I just think it's interesting how he feels like he has to hide his preference of hanging out with girls.
I remember a time when I was trying to figure out who I was and if I was doing the right kind of things. (Of course, that was in the awkward teenage years.) I wasn't huge into sports growing up. But I've since come to understand that there are fundamental roles for each gender, but the Church doesn't say that guys have to play church basketball or only girls can cook. We can have our own interests and hobbies.
My thoughts were right in line with what Skyler mentioned – the idea of roles & preferences. There are clear (but broad) "roles" of mothers & fathers, but the Lord never outlines or distinguishes what men & women should do with their free time.
Society has outlined more specific gender roles, but more so now than ever, those roles are beginning to crumble, making for a more diverse & interesting planet.
I think that as long as you are living the gospel standards then you can do whatever else you want.
I think that the proclamation to the world talks about characteristics and not preferences. I don't think that if a girl likes sports better than theatre she will be less nurturing or not as fit to be a mother. I think that we can fulfill our roles as sisters, mothers, daughters and at the same time have preferences that the society would say are more "for men".
The gospel teaches us that boys and girls have different divine purposes on earth. We are all suppossed to love one another despite our differences but also work on reaching our full potential. It doesn't matter if you are a boy or girl, or what the world is telling us, we have to make good decisions.
just be yourself and don't worry about it. its not that big a deal. but if you really can't figure it out, go with the Lord. He usually gets it right.
I am a lot like Jessica. My fondest memories of being a little girl are going out to dinner with my MOM to watch NBA playoffs games. I was in Elementary School. My mom was the best example of a mother I could imagine. Yet, she liked sports. I don't think it's an either/or game. It's not like domestic things as a child and be a good mother, or like more "masculine" activities and betray your divine gender role.
Individually can be based on all sorts of things- hobbies, talents, accomplishments, humor, conversationalism. All these can be a part of our lives at the same time as gospel standards.
My opinions is that women have the role of nurturing the family. The mother should stay at home as much as possible to be there for her kids. The role of the dad should be to provide for the family.
the gospel tells us that men have a duty to be the patriarch and priesthood holder in the home. i think this usually means to be the provider and protector of the home, but circumstances vary. when it comes down to it, a "real man" in the gospel simply needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and do whatever goes along with that. as for the world, who cares? i think the definition of a "real man" is becoming much broader anyway, extending to concern for clothes and not for sports, etc.
The Lord never told us that we should subscribe to all of societies gender roles. He's told us that our gender is an eternal characteristic and that we should embrace it. He never said that I can't like playing football or that I shouldn't be good at math. Sometimes I think people misconstrue what is a divine characteristic and what is an elected quality. I feel like we all can be whoever and whatever we want to be as long it doesn't interfere with our religious beliefs.
I feel that the church is pretty open when it comes to gender roles. The proclamation to the family lays out certain responsibilities, however, they do not lay out exactly what you need to do to fulfill those responsibilities. I think that the church just wants families to work, and some families need different things to work.
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