If you think about it, restaurants are a sort of extension of our own kitchen/dining rooms. We go to restaurants to celebrate birthdays and other special events, to gather with friends and family, to get to know potential significant others, or to just take a break from cooking for ourselves. People talk about rather private things in restaurants although they are surrounded and served by complete strangers. They expect to be afforded a large amount of privacy, and only accept interruption in order to select an entree or have their drinks refilled, etc.
Accordingly, there is a large amount of trust placed in the waiter/waitress to respect this delicate balance between the publicity of the setting and the privacy of the individual tables.
But this is not the case in Hibachi restaurants. These eateries have a style all their own that breaks almost all the unwritten rules in the social contract between patrons and the traditional American sit-down restaurant.
When you walk in to a Hibachi grill like Benihanas, Asuka, or Teppanyaki steakhouse, it appears to be a somewhat normal Asian fusion restaurant. But you may be surprised when you are seated around a grill, in a sort of u-shaped formation, with complete strangers. While your seating arrangement is awkward and increases the difficulty of having an intimate conversation unless you are seated right next to the other members of your party, this is probably not the most “offensive” thing to happen to you in the course of your meal.
Thankfully there is a traditional waiter who takes your drink, appetizer, and meal order, but after the waiter brings you your beverage and any appetizers you may have requested, you never see him again until he brings you the check. And before you can fully appreciate just how dear an unassuming waiter can be, your chef replaces him. The chef comes traipsing up to your table in a costume that is something of a cross between a traditional Japanese drummer outfit and the Swedish Chef’s getup on “The Muppet Show”. Wheeling a cart loaded with assorted raw meats, seafood, vegetables, and sauces, in addition to some very loud, very sharp machete-style cooking utensils, he breaks the isolation and peace of your table with little to no warning.
But just when you think your restaurant experience has fallen completely into anarchy, your chef proceeds to talk to you for your whole meal, make fun of the people in your group, tell incredibly lame-to-the-point-of-being-awkward jokes, throw food at you, give you other people’s food and basically break every other unwritten rule concerning dining out in the United States.
Although you may leave with a satisfied stomach, you also take with you a somewhat shell-shocked feeling. A sort of parting gift from the restaurant, this complimentary combination of violation and discomfort is the Hibachi version of a breath mint with your check.
I don't understand why people enjoy going to these places. I’m sorry but your chef is not supposed to make your food in front of you, and he is certainly not supposed to talk to you throughout your meal. Would you be comfortable with a complete stranger barging into your dining room while you’re enjoying a private family conversation over a meal? What if he started throwing food at you? Would you call the police? I think so.
My question to you is this: Can you think of any other private, yet public places that seem to break tradition and shamelessly prod at our comfort zones by throwing caution to the wind and ignoring deeply held societal rules?
28 comments:
One point I would make is that eating and issues of public v. private space (including interaction from a server or chef) are culturally determined. In America, eating is typically thought of as a private or family event. Eating out is considered an extension of work (hence the annoying "are you still working on that" question from American servers) and should either be done quickly (so one can get back to work) or as part of work (the "working lunch").
In France, as a one point of contrast, eating is more generally considered a public event and people pride themselves on taking a long time to do it. Servers leave diners alone so they can enjoy the leisure eating affords. Even at a business lunch in France, business is only discussed at the conclusion of dessert... work and eating should not overlap.
Well, I'm in the theatre program, and people really feel awkward when things from a theatre are set in public space.
I've seen and been involved in short productions that are staged in people's space (around campus you might see one). The best was a lecture on socialism in Romania set in the Tanner Building.
just to let you know... not that is not an asian thing... AT ALL.
I had a roommmate go there a few weeks ago, and he commented that i was more expensive. but i really think that it is just becaue you're paying for a dinner and a show. You are getting what you pay for.
I work at applebee's in orem and though I try to make sure i check on my tables as frequently as possible, i try to make sure i don't bother them too much, because who likes someone peering over them every two seconds with a water pitcher and a lame joke? the answer really is NO ONE!
but tenpanyaki (which again really isn't japanese food) is different because people go in expecting the entertainment.
Yeah, I think you are a little unfair to Hibachi restaurants. Remember, that is a Japanese restaurant, not the conventional American fastfood restaurant or any other kind. People who chose to sit down behind a Hibachi table usually know what expects them. If they don't like the way they're served at those kind of restaurants, they can choose not to go in there and pick a different type of restaurant.I agree with Jon about the show, the concept of Mayan Adventure restaurants is very similar to Hibachi tables, people pay to get in there not just for food but also for entertainment. If you don't get bothered with eating at a restaurant with live music or stand-up comedy, then why this is such a big deal?
That is funny. I've never thought about that before. Not every meal has to be private. I guess it just depends on your personality. When I eat lunch at the cougar eat, people I've never met come, sit by me, and start talking. That doesn't freak me out. If I wanted to eat my lunch in private I would eat it somewhere else. I think the same thing goes for that restaurant.
You make a really good point by pointing out restaurants as a public space that is viewed as private. I completely agree, I go to restaurants to get away and enjoy meals with people I know, but I really am walking into a room crowded with strangers.
I think the gym is also a public area that some view as private. Most people go there to work out, I know there are the exceptions, but when I'm in the middle of a run or lifting and someone I don't know approaches me I find it uncomfortable, I mean I'm sweaty and out of breath. But when you look at it, the gym is a pretty public space.
I hate those restaurants too, I was taken there by my parents and didn't even know what to expect. People go because they are looking for alternate dining experiences that are different than the norm.
i like the new ideas, and i agree. not every meal is meant to be private, or if it is, it should probably not be had at a place like this. if i am going to a restaurant like this, i am going expecting this kind of atmosphere.
I've noticed lately that most malls seem to have a kiosk where shoppers can get their teeth whitened. Not only do I have a hard time understanding why someone would trust these people who are clearly not dentists, I have a really hard time understanding why anyone would want to sit in the middle of a mall with their mouth open for an hour while everyone walks by and watches and points. I think this is a good example of a new public but private space that is bending the rules a little...it's taken something that is usually done in an office with private, divided rooms and placed it smack dab in the middle of the mall. And I find this very strange.
AIRPLANES.
you're forced to sit next to strangers (at least most of the time), told when and what to eat, and break that whole 3-feet personal space rule. people who really care are the ones who pay to upgrade to first class to get that extra space.
everyone knows when you go to the bathroom on an airplane. nothing is very private.
I don't think that these places are as bad for us as you are making them out to be. I think that most of the people are going there to be entertained. For me I actually go there for the food. I think that Tepanyaki's filet is so good. Maybe somewhere else we go to do personal things is the movie theater and the bookstore or library. I don't think that everything should be so private. It's fun to mix it up.
I think to some extent that even going to a public park has this same type of feeling. When you go to the park you go with a group of people, (or even by yourself I guess) and you only interact with those people. When others come up and talk to you or try to join you, sometimes you feel like you're being invaded. One example of this is when the homeless come up and ask you for money, it's awkward if you're trying to have a private moment.
Is this aimed at me? Because I like these restaurants (the food at least). Plus, people go for the experience, luckily outside of Utah, most places have real japanese cooks who don't speak enough english to make fun of you or your party.
XBOX Live is a private space (one that you've got to pay to enter) and it seems like every time I get on I've gotta deal with these little twerps as if it were a private setting.
I love these restaurants! It's all about entertainment! It's definitely dinner and a show. Can you juggle shrimp tails, toss them into your hat, keep everything from burning, and light things on fire without getting the people around you absolutely messy? no. I don't think you can. :) I can't. I dont' really try in my kitchen at home either. If you're really that uncomfortable with it, don't go. Loads of people think it's a blast. :)
I wouldn't mind so much if a chef just started talking as long as he was friendly and entertaining. If he was awkward, then no. But sometimes people who seem to violate our private outings don't seem so bothersome. I was at KFC in Sandy on Friday for lunch, and the cashier started talking to me and asked me how my day was going. He was also a big Ute fan, and so we got into a friendly duel over which school was going to win next Saturday, and it was fun.
I wouldn't want a chef to interrupt my meal if I was about to propose, though. But there are other times when it's people are nice, and friendly, and it doesn't seem so bad to accept nice conversation.
I can't think of any specific example of places were that norm is challenged, but my mind wanders to those people who treat public space as if it is their own private space.
I can't count the number of times I've overheard extremely personal conversations while studying in the BRMB. The atrium there isn't exactly a secluded bedroom. Some people answer the phone and start talking about who knows what and I'm thinking to my self, "Seriously, do you not notice all these other people around?"
There is a definite line as to what we should make public and what should be private. The private things should be kept private.
We don't want other people to invade our private space, well, the truth is that most people probably don't want to invade your private space either, so don't bring them into it.
I love restaurants like these. I believe that the people who eat there know what to expect; no privacy. But that is all part of the experience and atmosphere they have created. Every Christmas Eve I go with my family to this restaurant in Beverly Hills called Lawrys. During the holidays they have Christmas Carolers come to each table to sing whatever carol you would like. They are dressed up and everything! I absolutely love it! It is so fun to have entertainment that reflects the atmosphere of the restaurant. But it is a very public yet private setting. You just have to find the balance and hope that your server is respectful of that.
A locker room! Think about it. Showering, dressing and undressing, using the bathroom, etc... These are all things I prefer to do alone, but a locker room is a public space (for the same gender at least) that is open for all eyes. People here at byu are very modest, but back home the locker rooms are a little different. yikes.
I find those places a little nerve-wracking. It takes some of the relaxation out of the dinner, but when one goes there you know what you are getting yourself into. The food is great, if the chef is cool then he isn't too bad. At Tepanyaki, he is funny and does some awesome stuff to watch, then tosses the shrimp. He has never made fun of anyone at the table... If they did that, I think I would be uncomfortable with that. But you do pay for a show there, and it's usually worth it. Other than that, I don't like public stuff in the private sphere. I think it depends on the person, but I hate sitting next to strangers on airplanes. I also hate when you bring food to campus and you eat on a bench or somewhere between classes - people are always walking by and looking at you and what you are eating. I know it sounds stupid, but I always feel weird to eat in not-eating situations. Even eating a granola bar in class is a weird thing for me, even though it's really not. I tend to prefer things being done in their own sphere.
It is a very interesting dynamic to share a table with strangers, as I've noticed in the Wilk on campus. Sometimes if there are not any open tables, people will ask to share your table with you. It is interesting how all social rules that I normally abide by are shifted because of this situation where I am forced out of my comfort zone. Either I can make awkward conversation or very awkwardly ignore the fact that they are even sitting there. So weird how I can't function properly when a simple cultural norm is broken.
Cars. They are private because they are our own posessions but at the same time they are very public locations because everyone can see into them.
This might not fit perfectly into the segment but so many people feel comfortable doing anything they want in their cars and don't even think twice about other people being able to see exactly what they are doing.
It is difficult to protect someone's privacy as a server. If people are talking I don't want to be the one to interrupt them, but I also have to do my job. It seems to be a double-edge sword, people hate if greet them and get their order when they are talking but then they are upset if I wait politely. People expect to have their privacy but also not have to worry about anything else.
When I go to a restaurant, I often feel like it's a private experience. However, I feel like you choose the atmosphere. Most people go to places like Tepanyaki for the experience of the cook being entertaining and in your face.
Unfortunately, societal norms are broken in public spaces all the time. The violation of these norms that I see the most is too much public affection. Our society allows for hand-holding, brief kisses, arms around partners, etc. I don't understand how people can be so shameless to just be all-out making out on a bench in the park, or on the grassy hill on the south side of BYU campus.
PDAers, you're invading my privacy by forfeiting your own. Knock it off!
- Michael Williams
If that type of your restaurant is out of your comfort zone then don't go is all I have to say. There are many many different restaurants of all different types, some places are traditional, some more like Tapayaki, some places you sit on the floor and at the Dixie Stampede you are expected to eat your whole meal (including steak) without silverware. So many different choices exist because everyone has different preferences. Various restaurants cater to different types of people and you should pick a place to eat accordingly.
Movie theatres are pretty awkward in that sense. That you go on a date and you sit next to another couple and they areon a 1st date and its awkard cuase you share arm rests and space.
Your example of a Hibachi restaurant is a great example. It makes one wonder really why restaurants have become such a comfortable experience and atmosphere for us in general. I think another exmample of some public space which invades our private space would be going to a stand up comedy show. Usually you are forced to participate in an act or are made fun of for what you look like or wear. Granted, one usually goes to these with this in mind but it still goes beyond the boundaries we hold privately.
I agree with Hoa Q Nguyen, They know what they are letting themselves in for when they eat at the Hibachi grill. Maybe it is ok to have a non-private meal for a little bit of a change. ( adding a little spice to life). As for other public places for private activities- the locker room would be my answer and over and above that - have any of you seen the new type of dressing rooms in department sores with one huge room, no individual cubicles. Where a mass of women can examine their new outfit with the eager eyes of friends, strangers, and the department store workers?
Post a Comment