Have you ever looked at a guy and said something along the lines of “Is he gay?” or “Do you think he’s gay?” If you have, why did you say it? What did the guy do or say or what in his appearance made you think that he was gay? And those of you who claim to have never said or thought somebody might be gay: Are you gay? I kid, I kid . . .
We live in a day where seemingly everyone can be under suspicion of being a homosexual. Whatever your stance on the subject, it is doubtful that you can argue that homosexuality is much more at the forefront in society (and especially pop culture) than it was in any other era before now. Shades of gay are in everything. Previous generations of homosexuals tended to keep their “secret” to themselves, and they were much more hesitant to express their sexuality. Now, even gay parades can barely raise eyebrows. Almost everyone knows at least a handful of famous gay people, and the fact that those people are gay is rarely even mentioned anymore.
Not only is it prevalent, but being gay has somehow become the cool thing. No doubt you have seen a movie or television show where somebody has come out of the closet, only to be lauded with “Good for yous.”
In today’s society, even if you’re not gay, it’s okay to appear as such. This leads us back to my original question. It seems to me that I am forced to question (not that I have to question somebody’s sexuality, but it certainly can be entertaining) if someone is gay more and more often these days. The rise of homosexual’s prominence in society, coupled by the rise of the metrosexual (see below), has left us forever in a grey gay area. “Is he gay? I don’t know!”
The topic of metrosexuals (even if that term is fading) is one that I want us to discuss. Many men have found the idea of metrosexuality liberating. They can dress as nice as they want, and they can be into whatever they want, without automatically being branded as a gay person. I would never consider myself metrosexual, but the deterioration of gender codes—which surely the rise of both metrosexuals and homosexuals represents—has liberated me in some ways.
We live in a day where seemingly everyone can be under suspicion of being a homosexual. Whatever your stance on the subject, it is doubtful that you can argue that homosexuality is much more at the forefront in society (and especially pop culture) than it was in any other era before now. Shades of gay are in everything. Previous generations of homosexuals tended to keep their “secret” to themselves, and they were much more hesitant to express their sexuality. Now, even gay parades can barely raise eyebrows. Almost everyone knows at least a handful of famous gay people, and the fact that those people are gay is rarely even mentioned anymore.
Not only is it prevalent, but being gay has somehow become the cool thing. No doubt you have seen a movie or television show where somebody has come out of the closet, only to be lauded with “Good for yous.”
In today’s society, even if you’re not gay, it’s okay to appear as such. This leads us back to my original question. It seems to me that I am forced to question (not that I have to question somebody’s sexuality, but it certainly can be entertaining) if someone is gay more and more often these days. The rise of homosexual’s prominence in society, coupled by the rise of the metrosexual (see below), has left us forever in a grey gay area. “Is he gay? I don’t know!”
The topic of metrosexuals (even if that term is fading) is one that I want us to discuss. Many men have found the idea of metrosexuality liberating. They can dress as nice as they want, and they can be into whatever they want, without automatically being branded as a gay person. I would never consider myself metrosexual, but the deterioration of gender codes—which surely the rise of both metrosexuals and homosexuals represents—has liberated me in some ways.
For instance, I am not very mechanical, and I know nothing about cars. And, I have read Pride and Prejudice twice. In previous generations, I would have been ridiculed for these things. But today, I feel open enough about my less “masculine” traits that I am willing to share them with my entire class.
My question is this: What are things about yourself that go against the traditional gender codes, which are okay to admit now but weren’t in previous generations? Does the fact that you feel okay about admitting these things a sign that our society has grown or that it is deteriorating? Or both?
Oh, and to answer your question: No, I’m not gay. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Or is there?
40 comments:
I am not sure that there are things that I do that go against my gender codes, I feel like I am a pretty traditional girl. But I think that the prevalence and acceptance of being a homosexual in our society has hurt and helped us. I think it's good for people to be able to feel comfortable with admitting that they are gay without as much worry that they will be thrown out of their family or ridiculed by society, but the idea that being gay is cool only hurts us. Making something cool that is, when acted upon, a sin, isn't beneficial because it drives a wedge between homosexuals and those who are opposed to homosexuality morally, but not unaccepting of those who are gay. It makes it very us vs. them. There becomes no difference between the moderates and the ultra-conservatives they are all lumped together as extremists.
Growing up with four sisters, no brothers, and no father has had a strong influence on me and probably explains why I am the way I am. I am a metrosexual I guess, although I am not a fan of the title because it has nothing to do with sex, I'm still straight. But yes I enjoy cooking, shopping, and I am not obsessed with athletics like most men. That is not to say that I do not enjoy sports, because I do. God just didn't bless me with the talent to play many of them.
I personally don't feel like I am very different or abnormal but unlike most males I have always been able to communicate with girls really well. I have never been scared of them. But now that I have arrived to the time in my life when I am supposed to marry, I also find myself keep getting caught in the friend stage.
Chuckles... i don't know who you are, but very well written entry... but I am getting some weird looks from people in the library for the pictures on here...
Anyhow, as for the gender codes that I go against... I do love to dance... but a funny thing about that is i feel i have to explain that I don't wear leotards or tutus. No I don't do ballet, nor is it girlie, but my favorite genre of dance is hip hop (though i do love an occasional waltz). I think that's something kinda funny. None of you know me very well, but I feel i have to defend my masculinity. That's funny.
Also, i think the majority of my friends are girls. This brings me back to a time in high school when i went to watch a movie with a group who ended up just being me and a lot of girls. Before we left we checked in with a friend's mom, who later asked her... "Does Jon have any... guy friends...?" Yes... my friend's mom thought i was gay... Funny story, but one that shows traditional gender codes!
I'll begin my story by saying that I am a (very girly) girl however I have a more direct, upfront approach to people and a low tolerance for drama. Because of this I find it easier to relate to guys and tend to have more guy friends than girls
One time my friends had a pool volleyball party. I couldn't stay but wanted to stop by and watch for a little bit.
When I arrived (I was the only girl they thought to invite) my friends asked why I wasn't swimming. I told them I couldn't stay but added that I didn't bring my swimsuit anyways.
my friend andrew responded "You can just use one of mine!"
The pool got quiet and I just looked at him. I think this is when it really dawned on my friends that even though they could talk to me just like one of the guys, I was INDEED a girl.
When I was 18, I went home from college to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. A bunch of my friends invited me to join them to play football on Thanksgiving morning. I thought it was cold and, well, the idea didn't sound too appealing. I told them I was tired, and thanked them anyway.
The next day, somehow word got to my friends that while they were out exemplifying what they saw as true manliness, I was at home helping bake pies and muffins. They made fun of me for quite a while. It took them longer than it should have to realize that I didn't care -- that if I had the choice to do it again, I'd choose the pies and muffins.
On October 10, 2008 San Miguel wrote extensively on homosexuality, metrosexuality, ubersexuality, and various types of masculinity. You might find it worth the read.
SanitarySource.blogspot.com
-Michael Williams
I think this issue can go both ways. It can show that our society has grown and it could show that it is deteriorating.
One thing that I do that is accepted by society now but wouldn't then, is my love for cars. At first glance, most people don't come up with that conclusion. I'm girly but absolutely love evrything about cars. My uncle always tells me that I must have got it from my grand dad cos he was a car-fanatic! I love speed, racing, playing pool and video games, comic books, etc... Where I come from, all these things are considered to be guy-things but it doesn't stop me from doing them and I rarely get guys or girls making fun of me cos of these things.
I'm glad that society has made this shift cos it has created a place for most of us to fit in.
I'm trying to think of anything that might go against gender codes...
I do like a good romantic comedy once in a while. I own a few good ones like While You Were Sleeping and Miss Congeniality.
I think romantic comedies are good, clean, funny movies. Maybe I'm just a romantic type of guy?
I tend to think that I follow the rules of my gender code well. I love sports, tend to be competitive and act a lot like guys are supposed to act. I do agree that these days you can not fulfill the rules of your gender code and still be considered a straight male. It is OK to make muffins and to read Pride and Prejudice and still feel like a man.
My wife makes more than me and is more educated than me. She's also competitive.
I'm a sculptor and a painter. I love experimental Cinema, Poetry and use words like Trousers. I'm in the theatre program, in fact.
I don't have any problem saying that a man looks good or dresses well. It doesn't bother me (although even now I think these things are not wholly accepted).
I think with the growing prevalence of Homosexual culture and codes, there is both a growing movement to accept homosexual culture and a growing movement to reject it (most especially homophobia in young men).
But there is currently some craziness going on in California. There are actually violent crimes being committed against those who oppose same-sex marriage. Our culture looks like it is turning 180.
(oh, and I think that romantic comedies are largely sexist and immoral, presenting shallow and unequal relationships as real love- usually spawning from unethical acts)
Things that I do that go against gender codes....Well...If we were living quite a few decades ago my whole "dirt sliding sweating softball/basketball/track/mud football" fetish would probably be frowned upon, but then again so would wearing pants.
I can't really think of things that i do that go against female gender codes. I like being a girl and doing girly things.
The gay question is becoming more and more of a topic of discussion. While it is showing that society is becoming more accepting of those that differ from the norm, it is hurting the traditional values of family. While society may view being homosexual as a "cool" thing, homosexuality is far from actually being cool.
I love going hiking and camping with my guy friends. I've had a similar situation as Kasey although I am not that much of a girly girl.
I have a really low tolerance for drama and so I also find myself getting along better with boys.
Often I would find myself having conversations with my guys friends about girls...they would make comments similar to "Erica...I hate girls, they are so lame!"
I would respond with a shocked look and then they would say "well not you, you're not really a girl... I mean you are...but you aren't."
I'm not sure what exactly it is about me that makes me "not really a girl"...but apparently there is something.
This is an interesting topic. I am a self-declared metrosexual and I'm proud of that I guess. I put weird creams on my face, use Biore strips, try to dress well, etc. I've seen too many guys who are too "manly" and have trouble in relationships, like my sister's ex who just was so into guy stuff and was so afraid to just talk - she says he never would open up about his feelings or talk about his day. I'm the type who likes to just talk for hours into the night, communicate, etc.
My confessions are that I too love romantic comedies, two of my favorite movies are Love Actually and Pride and Prejudice. (Or maybe I just love Keira Knightley!) I'm kind of artsy, love going to Broadway theater in SLC, etc. But I also watch like 12 hours of football each weekend! I'm glad things opened up a bit in our society, but I think it's getting extreme. (ie: same-sex marriage)
Looking at this from a gospel light, it can be argued that there are no male or female activities, but only male and female attributes. We are taught that men and women are different, but that we need the qualities that the other possesses in order to become whole ourselves.
If I were to say that I hated girly stuff, mushy stuff, and all that, essentially I would be indirectly pointing out many things I don't like about my wife. She has several of those qualities, and I love her because of it. As for me, there are several occasions when I've done "girly" stuff with her and I've had a lot of fun. I feel that in order for males and females to truly understand each other better, each must embrace the things that seem opposite of what their "gender code" indicates.
You've read Pride and Prejudice twice!...J/K, I like that book too. My parents are actors and met on this campus touring in plays, so I've grown up with all the showtunes and musicals. In my experience, being involved with, and liking those things hasn't always been embraced, but I imagine with the turn it's taking in the movie theaters, it's a little more acceptable.
That's about the only thing that I can think of that crosses "boundaries", but there's probably more.
I'm okay with admitting that I do like some girly stuff. I might have to blame my two older sisters for this, but I really like fashion. For some reason I would rather watch a chick flick like Love Actually than Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. In terms of our society, I don't think that it means much that men are turning more into women. Maybe it's the proliferation of gays. I'm not sure. By the way I love the reference to Seinfeld, not that there's anything wrong with that.
I do not think that I do anything that is against my gender code. I do love football, but that is only because I was a cheerleader for 10 years, so I guess that does not really count! I am very much a girly girl, and I am okay with that. It is interesting how it is becoming more socially acceptable to blend gender codes for either sex. But I guess that is nothing wrong with that until you reach a certain point.
I'm pretty girly...I've always been the girl that sits on the sidelines instead of participating in athletic events and such. But I guess something I do that goes against gender codes would be the fact that most days I just head to class in a sweatshirt, old jeans, no makeup and my hair in a ponytail. I'm an art major, which means I'm constantly getting dirty in class and I have classes at the crack of dawn everyday, so most of the time I don't really get ready before these classes. I don't think this would have been as acceptable in previous generations...my mom has told me about rules in school when she was young that said all females had to wear a skirt or dress. I think our gender codes regarding this have come a long way...and I'm glad! I'm sure going to class looking like I usually do would have definitely been looked down upon in the past. I think the fact that I am okay admitting this is a sign that our society has grown. I'm really glad that the social rules on fashion have loosened up a bit.
A bold post: a touchy subject. There are a lot of things that some people consider going against gender codes.. I love nothing more than sports, that would be OK if I were a boy. But a lot of the things that used to not be normal are now, that has just come with the changing times.
I don't think anyone fits strictly into the gender codes that have been defined to sexes by society. As a young girl I frequently went fishing, played football, watched ninja turtles and shot BB guns and slingshots with my best friend...who was in fact a boy. However, this doesn't make me any less of a girl. I still read babysitter's club and nancy drew books and played with my barbie dolls. I'm not a butch or whatever the term is for the metrosexual version of a girl, and the fact that I still enjoy firing a gun and catching a fish is certainly not a reason to call my sexual orientation into question.
And on the subject of social acceptance of being gay: Yes, being gay is becoming more socially acceptable. My stance on the subject is you can't sin in ignorance. As a member of the LDS church I know that it's a sin. HOwever, that doesn't give me an excuse to judge and condemn those who haven't been taught what I have. Some of the nicest people I have met in my life are gay, but I don't think that being gay should ever factor into thinking a person is cool or a sinner or whatever. Always love, hate will get you every time! (I wish I could say I came up with that last sentence myself, but it's a song.)
I love the comments, very funny... and yes there are definitely things about myself that go against traditional gender codes. Just being an athlete can create some not so girly experiences. For example, today in the weight room I cleaned 135 pounds. I told our trainer that this can't be healthy for a young lady like myself. He laughed and told me to "man up." Earlier this year I also told him that I will never get a date with calloused hands, and after his "study" among the men's teams he coaches, he said that guys like girls with calloused hands. Ha, sure they do.
Things that I do that go against traditional gender codes...let's see. I love football, both watching and playing it, and I also love basketball...I like things like paintball and 4-wheeling and I'm not afraid to get dirty. My freshman year, I had more guy friends that girl friends. I love admitting these things, because I think guys appreciate when girls show interest in things they like, and vice versa. I love that you, original poster, have read pride and prejudice twice. That's awesome! Girls dig that. I feel bad for the guys in class who said their wives hate when they watch sports, because I don't think it hurts to show some interest in something your significant other likes. Oh, and I think our society has definitely grown. I like that the lines are a little blurred now and that we can't go out of bounds without being afraid of what others will think.
Let's see, growing up with a dad than can be classified as "metrosexual" according to the book, I was influenced in choice of clothes and manner by my dad more than my mom. So in junior high and high school, I would dress like a boy, baggy skateboarder clothes, talked like a boy, acted like a boy. And I remember some of my best friend's boyfriends commented on me as looking like a man. You know it hurt to hear that when you a high school girl, so I changed. But now to think about it, i regret for being such a coward, if I could go back, I would enjoy being a tomboy to the best of it!
being an open minded person, i try to break gender codes in order to make people think. i can discuss typical feminine topics such as make-up, clothing, or hair with females with ease. do i do it because i'm gay? definitely not. i do it to break stereotypes and do the unexpected.
traditional gender codes are fun to break as long as you still understand who you are.
I wouldn't say that there are many gender codes that I break, it depends on how stereotypical and close-minded we're thinking. I did love to make gingersnaps with my grandma when I was younger but who doesn't love dessert. It is interesting to consider society's acceptance of homosexuality, nowadays people are much more comfortable to admit such which has led to the tendency to question people's sexuality more and more.
I think it takes all kinds to make the world go around, gay, straight, hard- core and meterosexual. I think it is a unique topic to discuss within the Provo bubble. Maria says.. "Making something cool that is, when acted upon, a sin, isn't beneficial because it drives a wedge between homosexuals and those who are opposed to homosexuality morally, but not unaccepting of those who are gay." This is clearly a contradiction- but I guess it is possible to be opposed to something yet still be accepting of it. What do you think?
I were girl pants on occasions and I am into fashion, the food network, Titanic is one of my favorite movies, Celine Dion is amazing, I am a fan on NSYNC, and David Beckham is bringing some heat.
Those are thing that i could care less to admit and i am in no way Gay, Or ever aspire too.
I can't really think of anything off the top of my head; I've always considered myself a John's John. But maybe my love of art, architecture and good literature, i'm also a big fan of Shakespeare (I don't think any of these things were frowned upon though). I think having long hair (even though my hair's not that long) would have been frowned upon in the 50's. That could have led people to think sexually ambiguous judgements on me, perhaps. Thanks to the sixties that time's past (or is it?), mormons still have a tough time with long hair, but brigham young's was longer than mine. Other than that, I feel like i fall in line with my gender code (although i really like interior design).
I think that the root of the "problem" is actually I really good thing... I think it is the fact that society is pushing more and more toward being accepting of everyone. People are praised for being themselves. Although this a positive thing, it comes along with something else. It comes along with the fact that people are supported doing anything, even things that we don't think are okay. In the same vain that we are accepted for being mormon, they are accepted for being gay. I think that overall this is a positive adjustment in culture, after all, we do believe in agency.
I think it is very interesting that a girl can walk around with a huge group of guyfriends and nobody says anything about it. However in some instances, if you see one boy in a group of several girls that usually means he is a very smooth guy, or he is gay. I don't really understand this, because it doesn't make any sense. I like to do things normally that would be generated more for a guy's activity, like mountain biking, rock climbing, camping trips, soccer games, etc. Guys tell me they think that is cool. However if a guy tries to do girl generated activities...it's not as normal. I don't understand why girls can do whatever they want without being thought of as strange.
Chip, "David Beckham is bringing some heat." What are you implying by that..?
Anyways, I definitely have my metro sexual tendencies. I will not wear any jeans that are not Sevens, Diesel, Chip Pepper or Paper Denim. I love to shop, (if I have any money) On the other hand, I love ESPN, action movies, and I would sit home all day Saturday and watch college football if I could.
I think there definately is more and more of a grey area with homosexuality and the gender codes which we have lived by. Most of the previous gender codes we grew up with were much more masculine and have changed quite a bit recently. I think as has been pointed out by the other posts on this topic, the media is one of hte major causes of this shift of gender codes. There is much more acceptance for metrosexuality than ever before. I do agree that now being a homosexual isn't as unique and it will be interesting to see how society continues on and to see what kind of emphasis or lack of emphasis is put on homosexuals or even metrosexuals.
Haha, you read Pride and Prejudice? What a loser! You must be gay, haha. I think I'll go drive my big truck down to the football game and drink a lot of beer.
Actually, I preferred Sense and Sensibility. And I think it's fantastic that there are so many gay people in our culture, because it is allowing people to be themselves without worry of prejudgment. I think gender codes might have once been a good thing but right now they're complete rubbish and prevent people from doing things that could be amazing.
I consider my self very much a girl even though many things that I enjoy may not be considered the most "girly" things to do. I am a river guide in the summer and I have to prove myself to men every single day. I have to be able to do everything a man can do and more in order to prove that I am capable of this job. This job has taught me the lesson that you just can't be on the same level of with men in order to be competitive, you have to be a step ahead.
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